What I Believe, Don't Believe, and Why
Church of Christ, Baptist, Methodist, Christian Church, Presbyterian.
What I Believe
So many beliefs are the same in all those denominations. A lot of things that are different. Which ones do I believe?
The basics, of course:
The Golden Rule.
Don’t hurt.
Forgiveness.
Be thankful.
Prayer
But I have to explain that last one, because I stopped relying on prayer after the repetition of an important prayer at least 100 times over thirteen years, with no response.
“God, please take Mother while she still knows me.”
Dementia
Deep into Dementia, Mother forgot her sister and brothers, my father, her grandchildren, and finally, me.
For the last five years of her life, she had no idea she’d been married. No idea that she’d had one child. No idea that I was that child.
During those years, if I visited and called her Mom, she instantly became angry. She turned away, still angry, and pushed off in her Merry Walker to get away from me.
The last time she spoke to me was at a Christmas party in 2015.
Her hearing never faded. The Christmas music, laughter, and loud voices made her cringe. I wheeled her to her room.
I tried to talk to her. She shook her head.
Then, she said, “I’m getting out of here.” She tried to stand and walk out of the room. Broken bones waiting to happen. I tried to keep her in the wheelchair.
She grabbed my hands, pinched me hard, and threw my hands off the chair.
“No! I’m leaving! Stop!”
Call for Help
I grabbed the call button as fast as I could. “I need help!”
She stood up and was about to take a step when I got back and pulled her back into her chair.
Now, she was yelling at me.
“Leave me alone!”
“Who are you? Go away!”
More grabbing and pinching. Two aides came into the room.
I backed away. They spoke to her quietly, lovingly. “Joy, are you ready for bed?”
She sighed. “Yes.”
“Want to tell your daughter good night?”
That fierce, angry face turned toward me.
“GET OUT!”
Those angry words were the last words she spoke to me.
I left her with the aides. I saw the Director of Nursing, Kim, standing outside her office and went straight to her, crying.
I told her what happened. She assured me my mother had no idea what she was saying to me.
“I know. I can’t visit her again. Please let everyone know that I’m not abandoning her. I just can’t keep making her angry.”
Kim hugged me. “They know. You’ve been here every day. Some of these people never have a visitor.”
Visits That Weren’t Visits
I came by once a week “Hi, Joy,” on my way by. Eventually, I stopped coming altogether.
She lived another two and a half years.
Sunday morning, April 15, 2018.
Her favorite aide called me at 3:00 am to tell me she’d passed away.
I didn’t shed a single tear. I knew she was whole again, with my father, who had died 25 years ago.
Unanswered Prayer
God didn’t answer my only prayer. Silence. Not even a warm feeling.
I’d heard so many Christians say, “If you don’t get what you prayed for, then God’s answer was no.”
I don’t believe that.
“It was God’s will.”
I don’t believe that, either.
I believe Yoda was right.
God is the creative Force of the universe, binding everything — living and non-living — together.
I believe that.
Everything else I believe comes from that realization that prayers for specifics aren’t going to get answers. Sometimes, it happens. Sometimes, it doesn’t.
God gave us the freedom to CHOOSE what we believe, how we live, who we love, how we treat others. Good choices or bad, it’s up to us to choose wisely.
Treat others with love and respect.
Don’t intentionally hurt anyone.
If the hurt is unintentional, do whatever you can to make things right. If that person refuses to listen, it’s their choice. Move on. Don’t hold a grudge.
If someone hurts you intentionally, forgive them immediately, if only in your mind. No grudges.
If you agree with my description of God as The Force, and you want to pray, go ahead. Even if that prayer goes no further than your heart, you’ll feel happy and blessed.
Start every day with gratitude for every good thing in your life. Keep a Gratitude Journal and list three things, or four, or five, or only one. Every day.
Writing down what you’re thankful for imprints the gratitude into your mind and heart.
Thank you for reading!
From now on, my newsletters won’t be sad. I promise. You might even smile or laugh!
Hugs,
Linda
Thank you, Linda❤️🥰